Monday, 4 August 2014

Low Day

When I first started blogging, I used it more like a diary, I didn't intend on people reading it, it was just an easier way to express how I felt on a day to day basis, and a way to remember what I got up to when I look back at this years ahead. I feel I've stopped doing that and started posting more things that you guys love, but as much as I want to do that, I'm defeating the whole reason as to why I started, which is why I'm going to go back to how I feel/what I've been doing, as well as doing beauty and fashion posts.

For a long time, I've been trying to control a disorder I was diagnosed with called 'Bipolar' when I was first diagnosed, I never received the information or help I needed in order to be able to cope with it, or know how to control my fluctuating moods. Everyday is a battle, I can go from being hyper and happy, to sobbing my heart out and not knowing why. It's a struggle everyday for me, I panic when I have to go places alone, I'm constantly scared that I'm going to have an anxiety attack, and have such low confidence.

When people look at your photos online whether it via Twitter, Facebook or Instagram they pressume you're arrogant and think how can they say they have no confidence? People forget there are editing apps, or great lightening. I am no where near perfect, I don't have the most perfect skin, I look at myself everyday and point out things in the mirror that I want to change about myself. The expectations of how someone is supposed to look these days are ridiculous, and a lot of people feel they aren't good enough, I do the exact same everyday, I see photo's of beautiful girls and think, 'I wish I looked like that' it's a constant battle.
I have always struggled with my weight after battling an eating disorder for a very long time, I feel i'm way too skinny, no matter how much I eat, I don't put weight on, I feel there's nothing to me and I wish I had some curves! It's hard when people say, 'OMG you're so skinny, how??' I don't want to be this tiny, because I don't look in proportion, it doesnt look right. If you want to be slimmer, exersize and tone yourself up the right way, you will look so much healthier.

I'm sorry to anyone who reads this and feels down. I guess i'm just having a really down day/
I'm not going to start filming youtube until I feel more confident in myself. For now I will stick to blogging and posting on instagram for you guys, and i'm also working on my new business which I hope to launch very soon.

I just want to thank the people who follow me for being so supportive and making me smile with your lovely comments, and to say to you, never let anyone get you down.

Peace & Love

staciemarie xo

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