Sunday, 24 November 2013

My story

It's taken me a long time to talk about my past openly, but now I've beaten my demons I thought it was time to share my story to see if I can help and inspire others!

I was 12 when I first realised that I had an eating disorder, the main cause was being severely bullied from a young age. If let like an outcast from everyone, I would get bullied about my looks and things that I liked, and I never understood why. I became very self conscious about my image and developed my first demon, bulimia. I loved food but hated how it made me feel, it felt fat, I felt not good enough and I wanted away that I could have my own self control over something. This got much worse after going through a sexual assault at the age of 13,a a my parents were divorcing at the time I felt too scared to tell anybody and to guilty. I became disgusted in myself and my body and my eating disorder because a lot worse, I went from binging and throwing up to eating a cracker a day and still being sick, so my body was constantly empty. After 6 months I managed to get the courage to tell my best friend about my eating disorder Nd it was reported to the school and to my family. At this time in high school I was still being bullied and felt like I had no escape. A year after my attack I told my mum, and she realised why I was getting so bad. I went through several therapist, but still I felt like nothing was helping, I hated myself. The worst I got to was 5 and a half stone, yet I still felt huge! and worthless. I ended up getting in with the wrong crowd, turning to drugs and drink at the age of only 14, and dropped out of school in year 9. For years after I was still continuing with my bad habits and couldn't find a way out, until I lost my best friend due to drugs! this was a huge wake up call. I was being selfish though and felt like everyone close to me kept leaving and I continued taking it out on myself. After reading people's stories online, and being inspired by TWLOHA I decided to speak out about everything I went through in my past, things that I don't think I'd ever be brave enough to speak about on here. I felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. Demi Lovato has helped me a lot with her story as I can relate to everything she went through.

At 20 I am now at a point in my life where I decided to take control of my life in a better way, I live my live how I want to I aim high and try to reach my goals, looking back at how skinny and ill I made myself still shocks me, why I ever wanted to be stick thin I have no idea! it's not pretty.
I still find it hard to keep my weight up as I have a high metabolism, and I hate that I have self harm scars all over my body, but they are a reminder than I'm still here and that I'm strong.
I LOVE food now, and I could never give it up again, I never check my weight, and I never let anyone tell me I'm not beautiful! because everyone is beautiful. I would say to anyone talk about your problems, whether it's a friend, family, or a compete stranger someone will be there for you and will help YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

If I'm having a bad day now, I meditate and talk about my issues, and think of all the positive things in my life. I beat the bullies, I beat my eating disorder and I beat every negative thought in my body.
I'm now the happiest I've ever been, I'm doing everything is ant to do in my life and I won't let anyone stop that. Haters will hate, but they care enough to say something, so you must be important!

After Christmas I'm going to be working with charities and I would love to hear everyone's stories and would love to be able to support people. I will do a video soon for everyone questions.
But just remember you're never alone and you're all perfect in your own way, never let anyone tell you otherwise.

Love you all my forever strong soldiers xo

1 comment:

  1. Do you have any photos of when you were younger? I would like to see how small you actually got. I used to be ana but luckily self medication made me able to eat again.